Talk About Intimidating!

December 21, 2010 at 11:00 am (About MCW, Recognizing Reality)

Greetings!

I am “The Wife” *dun dun dun*, from the infamous MotorCop’s Blog, “If You Got Stopped, You Deserved It“.

Writing this first post is INCREDIBLY intimidating because some of you may already have an idea of who I am. Let me post my disclaimer now to let you know I am not nearly as sharp with my tongue and use less colorful language than my “Better Half”. And you know those quirky little monikers he gives people? Well, what does my husband’s sidebar say? Something about “you got the wrong fuckin’ blog, pal” (well, there goes my claim about the “less colorful language”!).

When MC and I started dating, he bought me a book called I Love a Cop: What Police Families Need To Know, by Ellen Kirschman, Ph.D. He told me he had been waiting years to meet the person he’d *need* to buy the book for. Knowing it takes a special kind of person to be a part of a law enforcement family, I read the book as a sort of test… was *I* that kind of person??

I am a plan-for-the-worst-hope-for-the-best kind of gal. Getting into a serious relationship with someone in law enforcement, (though to be fair, in those days he was still in plain clothes in the jail, meaning not carrying his duty weapon, and heading out the door in a business shirt and tie. Had you seen him in line at Starbucks, one would have thought he was a desk jockey. Until you went to the local grocery store with him, and he was pointing out gang tags and sniffing out “dirtbags”. But I digress…), I had my fair share of Badge Envy (hello, free movie tickets and free BART rides!). I also had my share of straight up freak outs. I went to visit him at work in the jail and he took me on a tour. I’ll never forget what I wore (a long sleeved blue cotton shirt, jeans, my brown heeled boots, and a denim jacket. Yes, the Canadian Tux.), and the fact that I felt so on display as MC escorted me through the different modules.

It wasn’t until then that I realized who MC (though not MC yet!) was dealing with. The worst of society. These people has such a lack of respect for authority, themselves, and their Mama’s, that they end up in a place that they have the bend over any time someone tells them to (dude, I’m talking about booking procedures… sicko). I still remember, eight years later, the name of the guy MC said “in that cell is the worst of the worst. He’ll never see the light of day again except in transport”. Bring.On.The.Worry.

When I couldn’t get a hold a MC by phone, I immediately started thinking of the worst case scenario. That dude got out and, of course, he came gunnin’ for my man. Because, yes, out of all the people in the jail, I envisioned he had the biggest beef with MY LEO. But it never happened. But I still think about that man. And I wonder if he’s ever seen the light of day.

Then, while we were engaged and planning our wedding, a local officer was killed. I felt it was important to attend, both in support of MC, and again, to test myself. The local officer left behind a wife, 8-months pregnant with their first son. I cried. I cried, not so much for him, but for her and the boy who would never know his father. The reality that it is far worse to be the one left behind. We are the ones left to deal with the pain of solitude. We are the ones left to figure out a new way of life when the one we loved was supposed to be there to help through it all.

And then a realized what “it takes a special kind of person…” meant. It meant that, though we kiss our LEOs “goodbye” every day, the pain of living without them while they are living FAR surpasses the chance of living without them should something happen to them on duty.

Both during my visit in the jail and at the funeral, I felt safe. I knew MC was highly skilled at his profession and that his brothers and sisters in blue would step up to help in any way they could, because when you wear the badge, you are family. When you marry a LEO, you marry the whole LEO family.

So, I surprised myself. I am capable of finding peace even in times that I am full of worry and dread. I know, should something happen, I will be the first one they call. I know, should something happen, that his partners will have done everything in their power to help. I know, should something happen, that my MC is with his Heavenly Father. So, while I haven’t completely let go of my plan-for-the-worst mentality, I’d say I’m able to find the best in the worst, and as an MC wife, it is my reality, as sobering as it may be.

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26 Comments

  1. MsParamedic said,

    Wow- what a read! I’ve followed MC’s blog for a while, and got to meet you two at the Chronicles premier in San Francisco in February.

    I am definitely adding your blog to my favorites!

  2. Dave said,

    Tell the husband he messed up the link to your blog in his post.

  3. Paula said,

    I’ve been reading your hubby’s blog for a while, and really appreciate his humor! I look forward to reading your blog as well 🙂 Best of luck Mrs. MC 🙂

  4. Kyle said,

    Welcome. I am another one who would rather strap on the kevlar and a shootin iron than be the one left at home. I don’t know how yourself and the other “Better halves” of the policing world do it. My hat is off to you. I’m looking forward to seeing a window into that half of the world.

  5. Sister Copinherhair said,

    Welcome! It’s nice to read the other half of MC. I bought that book for myself and it helped me immensely. Being in love with an LEO is not an easy gig, for sure!

  6. Handcuffed Heart said,

    Amen, Sister!! Welcome to your new blog…. I’m looking forward to reading more!

  7. HoneyBear said,

    Already found this real interesting. I’ve been a fan of your husbands for a bout a year now. I’ll make sure to drop by your blog as well. Guessing ol MC is a lucky man.

  8. HoneyBear said,

    Oh yeah your husband moderates his comments, you prob should think about doing the same, unfortunately asshattery happens.

    • motorcopswife said,

      Beauty of wordpress is that it’s automatic setting is to moderate! I’d be nuts not to!

  9. Jay said,

    I’ve been reading MC’s blog for a while and I always look forward to his humour but there is something else that comes across which I can’t quite name. I don’t know whether you would call it strength or assuredness but whatever it’s called it comes across in his writing.
    Your first post also has that strenghth. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best, that’s a sobering Mantra. I’ve enjoyed the read and thank you for taking the time to put fingers to the keyboard. Wishing you every sucess. Looking forward to reading more.

    • motorcopswife said,

      Wow, thanks Jay. MC has always had a way with words (it’s what won me over), but to be told I can even hold a candle… Wow. 🙂

  10. Beth said,

    Just wanted to thank you for joining the blogging world. I’ve been reading MC for a while now, and – as a soon to be LEO wife (hubs starts his academy in Jan) – I’m always looking for more information on that perspective. So, thank you!

    • motorcopswife said,

      Beth, you are exactly who I want to reach out to! Look for more posts (specifically tomorrow) about being married to an LEO. All the best! mCW

  11. JustMyBlog said,

    Welcome, Mrs. MC! This was definetely worthy of a first post – great read and a real eye opener as well. Can’t wait to read more 🙂

  12. Suz said,

    Welcome! I’m very interested in what cops’ families have to say. I recently bought “I Love a Cop, ” but I haven’t read it yet. My dad’s a retired cop, one sister is a Fed and another is an EMT. Glad to have you here!

  13. Gen said,

    Welcome! I’ve enjoyed reading MC’s blog and look forward to reading yours as well. Your post made me think of our pediatrician – every time we’re in there (we’ve got 4 kids…so we’re there often!) he says, “Yeah, I really appreciate everything your husband and his fellow LEO’s do for our community…but YOU. You wives…I can’t thank you enough for allowing them to go – you’ve got the toughest job out there!” So true! But it really does help to calm the mind to know that really, truly, they are surrounded by the best – in Heaven and down here. 😉

    • motorcopswife said,

      Amen!!

      You’ve completely got my outnumbered in the kid department. my two make life interesting as it is!

  14. RebeccaJ said,

    When I first glanced at the name of your blog on your husband’s site, I thought it said, “Beyond the Boots and Bitches,” and I thought, “Ok, well, this should be really interesting!” LOL!

    • motorcopswife said,

      Had I started the blog on my iPhone, I’m sure the stupid auto-correct would have made it so!

      I actually could start a blog of that name! A couple posts already come to mind… 😉

  15. Ann T. Hathaway said,

    Dear Ms. MC,
    Well, I am knocked out by this post. I read it second. It is very honest.
    I will say that your way of preparing yourself (for the worst) is also a darn good way of preparing for the best. Eyes wide open. I am glad you wrote.

    Ann T.

  16. Aerinah said,

    Glad to see your new blog, Mrs. MC! I’ve been reading your hubby’s posts for a year or so now and I am really excited at the opportunity to see things from your perspective too.

    I’m not LEO or an LEO wife myself, I just have a lot of respect for both groups in general. And for you and MC in particular – you are clearly good people. And good writers, too, which is awesome.

    Thanks for doing this!

  17. Aerinah said,

    PS I forgot to ask about your “Canadian tux” comment – are you Canadian? If so, nice to meet you – I am too! (And if not, stop making fun of us! :PPPPPP)

    • motorcopswife said,

      not Canadian, but I *swear* I wasn’t makin’ fun of you. If I ever make it up to what MC has affectionately called “America’s Hat”, I am sure I’ll fall in love with the friendly folks, clean streets, and wear a Canadian Tux with pride.

  18. Shay said,

    Welcome! I started reading MC’s blog a while back and finally worked my way through the entire thing… I’m glad I don’t have a few years to catch up on yours! I look forward to hearing your point of view as the wife of a LEO… and I’m glad MC has you to help keep him sane.

  19. Texas Ghostrider said,

    I have that book and I highly recommend it amoung others to the newbies in this field. There are things in this career that marriage 101 does not cover. Yes we have a hgh divorce rate, suicide rate, PTSS rate and any other bad rate that you can come up with.

    We are warriors for the people and our families and love ones have to adjust to that.

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